New Khosla Kunj – Fathers are like tender coconut

Although a lot of contemporary advertising and other media messaging portray a very expressive, inclusive, overtly emotional and ‘democratic’ father, the reality of the middle class families is a little different. Fathers are still not as expressive; they are stern, and even now, in many families, kids communicate with father through their mother.
The film captures this Mom-mediated communication between the son and the father rather well, especially when Mr. Khosla is discouraging his son to not risk so much money to pose as fake NRI landowners.
Every time there is a conflict, it is the mother who mediates like a moderator. Be it name change, breaking news about son’s decision to go abroad to work or ordering pizza for dinner!
Fathers, in middle class households, have always put up this façade of lesser emotion, and greater rationality as a grooming technique – in order to discipline the child.
But as the child grows up, and father grows old, the façade does not disappear. It changes form as it becomes hollow. In other words fathers implicitly acknowledge the maturity of their kids, but their ‘I am the head of the family’ mindset persists .
But the power dynamics persists – where fathers expect the children to do things the way they want. (“You see Cherry I am your father koi phone nahi aayega”).
The film reflects this rather well. It shows father’s initial disapproval of son’s decision to go to the US and work, but when the family is faced with a property problem he expects his son to help him sort it out but never expresses his expectations. And yet he does not want his son to get into these matters at the cost of his career. He wants his son to still go ahead with the opportunity overseas and not spoil his career in some property dispute. Father’s discussions with his friend & confidante – Mr. Sahni reflect that the tough exterior that Mr. Khosla puts up at home is hiding a vulnerable and waning old man.

As they grow old fathers continue to boss around in the family, but deep inside they acknowledge the important role that the grown up kids are playing in the house. This is a tacit acknowledgement of having acquired a supporting role in family affairs. But when it comes to formal decision-making they would still like to be left in charge of the situation and made to feel that things do not move without their consent. This is reflected beautifully in the film when after convincing Bapu (Navin Nischol) to play the NRI businessman’s role, Cherry (Praveen Dabas) still has to get his father’s consent before moving ahead with the plan. (“Papa aap permission de do.” “Ek baar jail ja chukka hun main, dobara jaane ki taakat nahi hai mujhme.. aage teri marzi..”)
Finally when Cherry walks up to his father with the money and asks him to go and get the plot the next day his father asks him to come along. (“Tub hi chalna mere saath, ab ye sab akele nahi hota mujhse”) saying this Mr. Khosla hands over the keys to the family safe to Cherry and asks him to keep the money in. This is a big moment. It is symbolic of the transfer of control. Father is implicitly handing over the responsibilities to his son who has proved his worthiness to solve family matters.
This holds true for almost all the middle class homes. What matters is not just how educated the son is or how much money is he making but also how well he can handle family. Together these two help the son qualify as a decision maker in the household or earn adult-like treatment from the elders in the family.

Fathers in middle-class homes are like the tender coconut. They are hard outside and soft inside. It is for kids to know this and give fathers their due and it is for marketers to acknowledge this sfather type and build brand communication that captures the soul of middle-class India’s coconut fathers!